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Zorin Industries are proud to announce their partnership with the British Royal family in bringing to the world the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton. The deal includes full naming rights to the ceremony, and as such will now be exclusively titled as the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’. Additionally, the bank holiday previously declared in celebration of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’ will now be known as ‘Max Zorin Day’. The following bank holiday Monday will continue to be known as ‘Mayday’.
Max Zorin, the CEO and founder of Zorin Industries, said the following at a press conference at Clarence House, London.
“I am delighted that Zorin Industries will be the principal sponsor of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’. As a company we see many brand and cultural synergies with the Royal Family, and we couldn’t be happier with the agreement we have reached. On a personal level I am thrilled to be working again with Prince Phillip, who is a man of unrivaled integrity, and who has become, since we first worked together on the ‘Paris’ job in 1997, a firm and trusted friend.”
“There will be many exciting announcements between now and ‘Max Zorin Day’ covering all aspects of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’, from merchandising to the ceremony itself, but to confirm the rumours that have been circulating I can exclusively reveal that our newly married Royal couple will travel from Buckingham Palace to their honeymoon destination outside Paris in the Zorin Industries Airship 5000, which will be sporting a livery inspired by this wonderful occasion. The Zorin Industries Airship 5000 will perform a flyover of central London, giving well wishers a chance to gaze up into the sky and wave bon voyage to the Prince and Princess.”
Leading French Industrialist ‘fires’ entire squad and distances himself from failed bid to salvage World Cup campaign
Knysna, South Africa
Despite encouraging his team to improvise on the field and to play with fear, the French football team have crashed out of the World Cup in complete failure. Following the final group game against South Africa, which France lost 2-1, Mr Zorin squarely blamed the players for the failure. “Look at them! They are fools. Even the USA, a country who do not even play football, have qualified for the last 16. This is a national disgrace, and one that soils the good name of Zorin. For this the players will pay - with their lives!”
It is thought that the squad have already been herded into a local silver mine in preparation for the final solution.
Leading French Industrialist replaces beleaguered Raymond Domenech in bid to salvage World Cup campaign
Knysna, South Africa
Max Zorin has arrived at the French training camp in Knysna, South Africa, to assume control of the failing football side ahead of their second group game tonight. Mr Zorin said he felt ‘compelled to act sooner rather than later’ and that there was ‘no bad feeling’ between himself and Raymond Domenech. Mr Zorin said “He (Domenech) is not upset. He has decided to drop out and I respect his decision. As I speak, he is returning to France aboard my private airship.”
When questioned about his plans to revitalise his team, Mr Zorin’s answer was simple. “More. More power. More. Do it!”
Mr Zorin has long been a vocal critic of Mr Domenech. In a recent phone call between the two men, on the subject of the French Football authorities reluctance to sack Mr Domenech, Mr Zorin was heard to say “If you’re the best they’ve got, they’re more likely try and cover up your embarrassing incompetence.”
Zorin Industries is delighted to have joined forces with two leading financial services providers that offer the very best investment opportunities for our clients.
NB Printed material is available for the hard of hearing and those who feel that the speakers in these messages are slurring uncontrollably.
STOP PRESS - Investors seeking a greater rate of return than 3.7% can apply for Zorin Industries Silicun Flud scheme. Just a small initial down payment followed by a minimal ongoing annuity secures your part in an investment that is simply dynamite.
*** As with all investments please note your body can go down very fast as well as up***
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