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News

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Kim Jong-il ‘Extremely satisfied’ with Zorin Industries device

The leader of the North Korean Workers’ Party™ delivers his personal thanks to Max Zorin following the successful test of a Zorin Industries designed and supplied ‘Nuclear Device’

Pyongyang, North Korea

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In a phone call earlier today, Kim Jong-il, leader of the North Korean Workers’ Party™, delivered his personal thanks to the CEO of Zorin Industries, Mr Max Zorin, following the successful test of a ‘Nuclear Device’ designed and supplied by Zorin Industries.  The device, which had the power equivalent to approx 17 ‘John McClane’s’, was detonated in an abandoned mine beneath a lake 230 miles north east of Pyongyang at a depth of just over six miles.

Pyongyang’s official Korean Central News Agency released the following statement

“The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea successfully conducted one more underground nuclear test on May 25 as part of the measures to bolster up its nuclear deterrent for self-defence in every way as requested by its scientists and technicians.

“The current nuclear test was safely conducted on a new higher level in terms of its explosive power and technology of its control and the results of the test helped satisfactorily settle the scientific and technological problems arising in further increasing the power of nuclear weapons and steadily developing nuclear technology.

“The successful nuclear test is greatly inspiring the army and people of the DPRK all out in the 150-day campaign, intensifying the drive for effecting a new revolutionary surge to open the gate to a thriving nation.

“The test will contribute to defending the sovereignty of the country and the nation and socialism and ensuring peace and security on the Korean Peninsula and the region around it with the might of Songun.”

A spokesperson for Zorin Industries said “Kick Ass!  That thing was almighty!  It caused a freaking earthquake man!  Those stupid Koreans.  They think they’re getting the bomb - all we’re doing is prepping for main strike!  Dumb ass mofos!”

Posted by News on 05/27 at 08:58 AM
News • Worldwide • (18) Comments • Permalink

Thursday, April 02, 2009

G20 : Max Zorin to head recovery effort

Max Zorin, CEO of Zorin Industries, appointed by the leaders of the G20 to head world economic recovery

London, UK

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In a speech delivered by the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, it was this afternoon announced that the G20 will entrust overseeing the $1.1 trillion (£747 billion) rescue fund for the global economy to leading French Industrialist Max Zorin, CEO of Zorin Industries.

Mr Zorin is believed to have been a key figure at the heart of the G20 negotiations, acting as a special adviser to French President Nicholas Sarkozy throughout the summit.

Several nations, including the UK and the US, were reportedly unhappy about the appointment, and sought special assurances as to Mr Zorin’s motives. According to sources close to the negotiations, Mr Sarkozy had to personally vouch for his special adviser, going as far as declaring that the deal would not receive the support of France unless Mr Zorin were appointed to oversee the rescue fund.

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In his speech, Gordon Brown alluded to the differences of opinion the nations had regarding Mr Zorin’s appointment, “In Mr Zorin, the G20 nations have found a man to trust. Mr Zorin is not only a leading French Industrialist, with business interests spanning the globe from Paris to Peru and San Fransisco to Stoke, but he is also a man of vast talent capable of leading the entire world to economic recovery.  He is an honest man, with absolutely no hidden personality traits and absolutely no connections to the KGB or to Nazi medical experimentation during World War II.”

When asked why he would want to take on such a large task, Mr Zorin simply replied, “I’m happiest in the saddle.”

Posted by News on 04/02 at 02:50 PM
News • (7) Comments • Permalink
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