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Monday, July 20, 2009

Over the Moon!

Zorin Industries, in partnership with the Drax Enterprise Corporation, agree deal to build ‘Moonbase One’.

California, USA

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On the 40th anniversary of man’s first steps on the Moon on July 20, 1969, Zorin Industries are proud to announce that the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have selected the company to design, build and deliver the first permanent human habitation environment on an extraterrestrial body – namely the creation of a colony on the Moon.

The project, titled ‘Moonbase One’, is a joint venture with the Drax Enterprise Corporation and is scheduled to be completed by 2018.

Max Zorin, CEO of Zorin Industries, explained further at a news conference earlier today. “Zorin and Drax are a perfect fit for this project.  Drax has many years of space flight and extra-terrestrial construction expertise.  Add to this Zorin Industries’ knowledge of mining techniques and our domination of micro controller technology you end up with a very powerful combination which NASA was powerless to resist really.”

“The concept is, as you can see, simple.  Drax Enterprise Corporation space craft will commence a regular flight schedule to the Moon, using their fleet of state of the art ‘Space Shuttles’.  Each flight will deliver a piece of engineering so vast in it’s complexity that it can only be controlled using something I like to call a ‘microchip’.  These electronic and mechanical marvels will be managed from Earth, drilling down below the surface of the Moon to not only create a network of tunnels and caverns, but to also produce crushed rock which will be used in several different ways - as a building material on the surface or as a raw material to be processed to extract the chemical elements required to support human life.”

Sir Hugo Drax was equally enthusiastic about the planned joint venture.  “First there was the dream, now there is reality. Here in the untainted cradle of the heavens will be created a new super race, a race of perfect physical specimens. You have been selected as its progenitors. Like gods, your offspring will return to Earth and shape it in their image. You have all served in public capacities in my terrestrial empire. Your seed, like yourselves, will pay deference to the ultimate dynasty which I alone have created. From their first day on Earth they will be able to look up and know that there is law and order in the heavens.”

Posted by News on 07/20 at 09:58 AM
Worldwide • (2) Comments • Permalink

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The Zorin Industries store is now open!

Zorin Industries are pleased to announce that our on-line store is now open.

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Offering a range of quality Zorin branded merchandise at very reasonable prices, the Zorin store is the place to pick up genuine Zorin gear.

The store can be found here.

Be sure to keep visiting the store, as new products will be added on a regular basis!

Posted by News on 06/10 at 04:17 PM
News • Worldwide • (2) Comments • Permalink

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Kim Jong-il ‘Extremely satisfied’ with Zorin Industries device

The leader of the North Korean Workers’ Party™ delivers his personal thanks to Max Zorin following the successful test of a Zorin Industries designed and supplied ‘Nuclear Device’

Pyongyang, North Korea

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In a phone call earlier today, Kim Jong-il, leader of the North Korean Workers’ Party™, delivered his personal thanks to the CEO of Zorin Industries, Mr Max Zorin, following the successful test of a ‘Nuclear Device’ designed and supplied by Zorin Industries.  The device, which had the power equivalent to approx 17 ‘John McClane’s’, was detonated in an abandoned mine beneath a lake 230 miles north east of Pyongyang at a depth of just over six miles.

Pyongyang’s official Korean Central News Agency released the following statement

“The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea successfully conducted one more underground nuclear test on May 25 as part of the measures to bolster up its nuclear deterrent for self-defence in every way as requested by its scientists and technicians.

“The current nuclear test was safely conducted on a new higher level in terms of its explosive power and technology of its control and the results of the test helped satisfactorily settle the scientific and technological problems arising in further increasing the power of nuclear weapons and steadily developing nuclear technology.

“The successful nuclear test is greatly inspiring the army and people of the DPRK all out in the 150-day campaign, intensifying the drive for effecting a new revolutionary surge to open the gate to a thriving nation.

“The test will contribute to defending the sovereignty of the country and the nation and socialism and ensuring peace and security on the Korean Peninsula and the region around it with the might of Songun.”

A spokesperson for Zorin Industries said “Kick Ass!  That thing was almighty!  It caused a freaking earthquake man!  Those stupid Koreans.  They think they’re getting the bomb - all we’re doing is prepping for main strike!  Dumb ass mofos!”

Posted by News on 05/27 at 08:58 AM
News • Worldwide • (1) Comments • Permalink
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