“I am delighted that Zorin Industries will be the principal sponsor of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’.  As a company we see many brand and cultural synergies with the Royal Family, and we couldn’t be happier with the agreement we have reached.  On a personal level I am thrilled to be working again with Prince Phillip, who is a man of unrivaled integrity, and who has become, since we first worked together on the ‘Paris’ job in 1997, a firm and trusted friend.”

“There will be many exciting announcements between now and ‘Max Zorin Day’ covering all aspects of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’, from merchandising to the ceremony itself, but to confirm the rumours that have been circulating I can exclusively reveal that our newly married Royal couple will travel from Buckingham Palace to their honeymoon destination outside Paris in the Zorin Industries Airship 5000, which will be sporting a livery inspired by this wonderful occasion.  The Zorin Industries Airship 5000 will perform a flyover of central London, giving well wishers a chance to gaze up into the sky and wave bon voyage to the Prince and Princess.”

Inquiries to .

*** As with all investments please note your body can go down very fast as well as up***

Zorin Industries today launched legal proceedings against the London Financial Times.  The action follows a recent story published by the paper entitled ‘Zorin’s Nazi Past’ by so called ‘journalist’ James Stock.

Mr Zorin denies, in the strongest terms, all the allegations set forth in the report.  In particular, the assertion that Mr Zorin’s birth was the result of some sort of evil Nazi genetics experiment gone wrong has absolutely no basis in fact.  As is it universally known, Mr Zorin is a leading French industrialist, and it would be impossible for him, or any of his staff, to have any connection to the use of steroids on pregnant women in Nazi concentration camps.  It’s absurd.  That kind of thing, while likely producing children with phenomenal IQs, would lead to psychotic side effects, which is clearly not something that a man like Mr Zorin could ever be accused of.

The Financial Times could not be reached for comment, as we could not find their phone number.

Red, 2,000km with full service history, velour upholstery, auto-reverse cassette desk.
Former company vehicle, one lady driver, only used on short trips.
Never chopped in half or pushed into a lake.

Bargain at €3,000.  Will consider all serious offers.

Inquiries to .

May then chose to look for a new role involving regular travel and a more hands on approach to supporting the company strategy. Zorin Industries’ international business activities, along with charismatic chairman Max Zorin’s keen interest in horse racing, have proven to be the ideal challenge for May. It was Max Zorin himself who suggested that May would have a natural connection with his stallions when he first saw her bending over during a judo training session. He was right and May brings to Zorin Industries a broad range of skills in both people and horse management.

Outside the world of work May enjoys parachuting, lifting things, wrestling and listening to pop music where she considers herself to be something of a slave to the rythym. She is currently single but is looking for the right man to take care of her personally, however orange or bumbling he may be.

Max Zorin today secured a remarkable business coup by purchasing the entire back catalogue of Beatles studio recordings.  Mr Zorin said, “This is a wonderful deal for me and for Zorin Industries.  I am now in possession of 14 shiny silver discs, known to audio experts as Compact Discs, which contain the master recordings of all the Beatles albums.  From these discs I will be able to make many, many copies onto cassette which I, and I alone, will be able to sell around the world as the sole owner of these master recordings.”

Mr Zorin declined to reveal the purchase cost for the recordings, but did reveal he purchased them through a specialist music trading company named ‘HMV’.

The man claimed to be English, and is suspected to be old enough to be your grandfather.

If you have any information regarding this man’s real identity or his whereabouts, please contact or leave a note in the comments area of this webpage.

Many thanks

M. Scarpine
Head of Security

On the 40th anniversary of man’s first steps on the Moon on July 20, 1969, Zorin Industries are proud to announce that the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have selected the company to design, build and deliver the first permanent human habitation environment on an extraterrestrial body – namely the creation of a colony on the Moon.

The project, titled ‘Moonbase One’, is a joint venture with the Drax Enterprise Corporation and is scheduled to be completed by 2018.

Max Zorin, CEO of Zorin Industries, explained further at a news conference earlier today. “Zorin and Drax are a perfect fit for this project.  Drax has many years of space flight and extra-terrestrial construction expertise.  Add to this Zorin Industries’ knowledge of mining techniques and our domination of micro controller technology you end up with a very powerful combination which NASA was powerless to resist really.”

“The concept is, as you can see, simple.  Drax Enterprise Corporation space craft will commence a regular flight schedule to the Moon, using their fleet of state of the art ‘Space Shuttles’.  Each flight will deliver a piece of engineering so vast in it’s complexity that it can only be controlled using something I like to call a ‘microchip’.  These electronic and mechanical marvels will be managed from Earth, drilling down below the surface of the Moon to not only create a network of tunnels and caverns, but to also produce crushed rock which will be used in several different ways - as a building material on the surface or as a raw material to be processed to extract the chemical elements required to support human life.”

Sir Hugo Drax was equally enthusiastic about the planned joint venture.  “First there was the dream, now there is reality. Here in the untainted cradle of the heavens will be created a new super race, a race of perfect physical specimens. You have been selected as its progenitors. Like gods, your offspring will return to Earth and shape it in their image. You have all served in public capacities in my terrestrial empire. Your seed, like yourselves, will pay deference to the ultimate dynasty which I alone have created. From their first day on Earth they will be able to look up and know that there is law and order in the heavens.”

Zorin Industries are pleased to announce that, with immediate effect, the corporation will assume full control of top celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.  Following months of intense media speculation about possible takeover targets for the corporation, CEO Max Zorin explained the rationale behind the purchase.

“Gordon Ramsay is a perfect fit for Zorin Industries. Not only is he a wonderful chef who is at the top of his field, he is also a second rate human being, who has taken the art of bullying to a whole new level.  He also has good hair.”

Ramsay will initially assume the role of Head of Obscenities within the newly formed Corporate Communications department.  He is also seen as a long term successor to Max Zorin in the area of ‘unnecessarily harsh staff reprimands’.

Max Zorin added “It’s no secret that we’ve been looking at a number of takeover targets and, truth be told, we really did want Michael Jackson.  However, the situation changed dramatically when ‘Wacko’ successfully staged his own death, making him much more expensive and much less useful to the company.  Once I saw how the Jackson situation was developing, I decided that I had to move for Ramsay quickly – before he did something that made him popular again, or evoked mass public sympathy.”

Gordon Ramsay was quoted as saying “F**k off you f**king f**k-wits.”