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Zorin Industries purchase Gordon Ramsay

Historic deal is reached as Zorin Industries assume full control over ‘foul mouthed’ celebrity chef.

London, United Kingdom

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Zorin Industries are pleased to announce that, with immediate effect, the corporation will assume full control of top celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.  Following months of intense media speculation about possible takeover targets for the corporation, CEO Max Zorin explained the rationale behind the purchase.

“Gordon Ramsay is a perfect fit for Zorin Industries. Not only is he a wonderful chef who is at the top of his field, he is also a second rate human being, who has taken the art of bullying to a whole new level.  He also has good hair.”

Ramsay will initially assume the role of Head of Obscenities within the newly formed Corporate Communications department.  He is also seen as a long term successor to Max Zorin in the area of ‘unnecessarily harsh staff reprimands’.

Max Zorin added “It’s no secret that we’ve been looking at a number of takeover targets and, truth be told, we really did want Michael Jackson.  However, the situation changed dramatically when ‘Wacko’ successfully staged his own death, making him much more expensive and much less useful to the company.  Once I saw how the Jackson situation was developing, I decided that I had to move for Ramsay quickly – before he did something that made him popular again, or evoked mass public sympathy.”

Gordon Ramsay was quoted as saying “F**k off you f**king f**k-wits.”

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