http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/index/ The latest news from Zorin Industries en news@zorinindustries.co.uk Copyright 2011 2011-03-31T08:10:39+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_industries_announced_as_principle_sponsor_of_the_royal_wedding/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_industries_announced_as_principle_sponsor_of_the_royal_wedding/#When:08:10:39Z London, England Zorin Industries are proud to announce their partnership with the British Royal family in bringing to the world the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton.  The deal includes full naming rights to the ceremony, and as such will now be exclusively titled as the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’.  Additionally, the bank holiday previously declared in celebration of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’ will now be known as ‘Max Zorin Day’.  The following bank holiday Monday will continue to be known as ‘Mayday’. Max Zorin, the CEO and founder of Zorin Industries, said the following at a press conference at Clarence House, London. “I am delighted that Zorin Industries will be the principal sponsor of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’.  As a company we see many brand and cultural synergies with the Royal Family, and we couldn’t be happier with the agreement we have reached.  On a personal level I am thrilled to be working again with Prince Phillip, who is a man of unrivaled integrity, and who has become, since we first worked together on the ‘Paris’ job in 1997, a firm and trusted friend.” “There will be many exciting announcements between now and ‘Max Zorin Day’ covering all aspects of the ‘Zorin Industries Royal wedding©’, from merchandising to the ceremony itself, but to confirm the rumours that have been circulating I can exclusively reveal that our newly married Royal couple will travel from Buckingham Palace to their honeymoon destination outside Paris in the Zorin Industries Airship 5000, which will be sporting a livery inspired by this wonderful occasion.  The Zorin Industries Airship 5000 will perform a flyover of central London, giving well wishers a chance to gaze up into the sky and wave bon voyage to the Prince and Princess.” News 2011-03-31T08:10:39+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_disowns_french_football_team/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_disowns_french_football_team/#When:15:37:19Z Leading French Industrialist ‘fires’ entire squad and distances himself from failed bid to salvage World Cup campaign Knysna, South Africa Despite encouraging his team to improvise on the field and to play with fear, the French football team have crashed out of the World Cup in complete failure.  Following the final group game against South Africa, which France lost 2-1, Mr Zorin squarely blamed the players for the failure.  “Look at them!  They are fools.  Even the USA, a country who do not even play football, have qualified for the last 16.  This is a national disgrace, and one that soils the good name of Zorin.  For this the players will pay - with their lives!” It is thought that the squad have already been herded into a local silver mine in preparation for the final solution. 2010-06-25T15:37:19+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_assumes_control_of_french_national_team/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_assumes_control_of_french_national_team/#When:12:52:22Z Leading French Industrialist replaces beleaguered Raymond Domenech in bid to salvage World Cup campaign Knysna, South Africa Max Zorin has arrived at the French training camp in Knysna, South Africa, to assume control of the failing football side ahead of their second group game tonight.  Mr Zorin said he felt ‘compelled to act sooner rather than later’ and that there was ‘no bad feeling’ between himself and Raymond Domenech. Mr Zorin said “He (Domenech) is not upset.  He has decided to drop out and I respect his decision.  As I speak, he is returning to France aboard my private airship.” When questioned about his plans to revitalise his team, Mr Zorin’s answer was simple.  “More. More power. More. Do it!” Mr Zorin has long been a vocal critic of Mr Domenech.  In a recent phone call between the two men, on the subject of the French Football authorities reluctance to sack Mr Domenech, Mr Zorin was heard to say “If you’re the best they’ve got, they’re more likely try and cover up your embarrassing incompetence.” 2010-06-17T12:52:22+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_industries_associate_company_offers/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_industries_associate_company_offers/#When:11:19:03Z Zorin Industries is delighted to have joined forces with two leading financial services providers that offer the very best investment opportunities for our clients. NB Printed material is available for the hard of hearing and those who feel that the speakers in these messages are slurring uncontrollably. STOP PRESS - Investors seeking a greater rate of return than 3.7% can apply for Zorin Industries Silicun Flud scheme. Just a small initial down payment followed by a minimal ongoing annuity secures your part in an investment that is simply dynamite. Inquiries to . *** As with all investments please note your body can go down very fast as well as up*** News 2009-12-15T11:19:03+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/128-b/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/128-b/#When:15:17:41Z News 2009-10-07T15:17:41+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_industries_to_rigorously_defend_ft_allegations/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/zorin_industries_to_rigorously_defend_ft_allegations/#When:22:34:18Z London, UK Zorin Industries today launched legal proceedings against the London Financial Times.  The action follows a recent story published by the paper entitled ‘Zorin’s Nazi Past’ by so called ‘journalist’ James Stock. Mr Zorin denies, in the strongest terms, all the allegations set forth in the report.  In particular, the assertion that Mr Zorin’s birth was the result of some sort of evil Nazi genetics experiment gone wrong has absolutely no basis in fact.  As is it universally known, Mr Zorin is a leading French industrialist, and it would be impossible for him, or any of his staff, to have any connection to the use of steroids on pregnant women in Nazi concentration camps.  It’s absurd.  That kind of thing, while likely producing children with phenomenal IQs, would lead to psychotic side effects, which is clearly not something that a man like Mr Zorin could ever be accused of. The Financial Times could not be reached for comment, as we could not find their phone number. News 2009-10-06T22:34:18+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/wanted_-_part_ii/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/wanted_-_part_ii/#When:09:15:41Z In a recent news item (Wanted), we appealed for information regarding the real identity of an intruder at Mr Zorin’s stables.  Despite several good leads, we have not yet been able to name the man, who was posing as a horse trainer named ‘James St. John Smythe’.  Today we can release CCTV footage from the break-in.  We ask that you watch the video in the hope that it triggers a memory or encourages other victims to come forward.  Please remember - we believe this man is highly dangerous who is, amongst other things, a master of the double entendre. Many thanks again M. Scarpine Head of Security News 2009-09-25T09:15:41+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/classified_-_for_sale/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/classified_-_for_sale/#When:08:01:22Z Renault Fuego Turbo Red, 2,000km with full service history, velour upholstery, auto-reverse cassette desk. Former company vehicle, one lady driver, only used on short trips. Never chopped in half or pushed into a lake. Bargain at €3,000.  Will consider all serious offers. Inquiries to . Personnel 2009-09-24T08:01:22+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/employee_profile_-_may_day/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/employee_profile_-_may_day/#When:15:49:57Z May joined Zorin Industries from IBM where she held the post of HR Manager for 3 years. During this time she played a key role in reducing headcount by 36% through a proactive mix of voluntary termination and a deskilling process now commonly referred to in the HR industry as ‘the car wash’. May then chose to look for a new role involving regular travel and a more hands on approach to supporting the company strategy. Zorin Industries’ international business activities, along with charismatic chairman Max Zorin’s keen interest in horse racing, have proven to be the ideal challenge for May. It was Max Zorin himself who suggested that May would have a natural connection with his stallions when he first saw her bending over during a judo training session. He was right and May brings to Zorin Industries a broad range of skills in both people and horse management. Outside the world of work May enjoys parachuting, lifting things, wrestling and listening to pop music where she considers herself to be something of a slave to the rythym. She is currently single but is looking for the right man to take care of her personally, however orange or bumbling he may be. Personnel 2009-09-23T15:49:57+00:00 http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/clarification/ http://www.zorinindustries.co.uk/index.php/site/clarification/#When:16:32:45Z Mr Zorin would like it to be known that he knew, all along, that he was not in fact purchasing the master recordings to the Beatles back catalogue, but was buying a CD box set of re-mastered recordings.  He would also like to make clear that he did not mistake the company HMV as an exclusive dealer of master recordings but that he knew all the time that they were a high street record store.  Additionally, Mr Zorin denies that at any stage did he threaten anyone at HMV with death if they would not refund the purchase.  Furthermore, Mr Zorin would like to make it known that his favorite Beatle is Ringo, and his favorite song is Octopuss’s Garden. News 2009-09-22T16:32:45+00:00